Pres. Sanford & his V.P. Son
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, who criticized President Obama's $787 billion economic stimulus plan as a pork-laden boondoggle that will plunge the country further into debt, said he may reject nearly a quarter of the money headed to his state, which would expand unemployment benefits. He also threatened to request a waiver to spend $700 million, targeted for education, etc., to pay on some of the state's debt instead. Some say he's only prepping to run for President in 2012 and putting his own political future ahead of the needs of his state.
First off, what is a boondoggle? Secondly, I think Governor Sanford should run for President.
A President Sanford, now that's what I would LOVE to see!
But, who could we get to run for vice-president and play the part of his son? Then, we'd have Sanford & Son in the Whitehouse, only it would be called Sanford Arms!
President Sanford: Looky here. This is the White Room.
President Sanford: Green Room.
President Sanford: Red Room.
President Sanford: Bathroom.
V.P. Son: HEY!
President Sanford: Excuse me.
Think about it....instead of 'Hail To The Chief,' we'd get to hear the Sanford & Son theme song at EVERY public appearance!
The official slogan would be "THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE, HALLELUJAH!"
They could bring back Condaleesa Rice for a cabinet seat. Of course, she would change her name to Aunt Esther. I can hear it now. 'Yes, Mr. President, I'll get on it right away you old fish-eyed fool!
Aunt Esther Coming To Visit The President:
President Sanford: Who's there?
Aunt Esther: It's Esther!
President Sanford: Esther who?
Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool!
President Sanford: I can't open the door!
Aunt Esther: Why not?
President Sanford: You too ugly!
Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?
President Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.
Aunt Esther: Watch it, sucka.
On Pork-Barrell Spending:
President Sanford: We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?
V.P. Son: The oven don't work.
President Sanford: Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or...
V.P. Son: Would you stop that?
During the President Sanford administration, the President and his V.P. will not be needing the Secret Service as they will be protected by Officers Smitty Smith and Hoppy Hopkins! The part of Julio Fuentes should be an easy to fill since there are plenty like him running around here these days! Grady Wilson, Uncle Woody and Bubba would be the official Presidential advisers.
During the President Sanford administration, Camp David would be located at El Segundo!
Ladies and gentleman, the President of the United States, President Sanford!
President Sanford: That's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.
If any congressman or senators did not agree with President Sanford on issues, he would politely say, "How would you like one across yo lip?"
Concerning The Welfare System:
V.P. Son: Mr. President, that's what the welfare thing was setup for: for people in financial trouble. What do you think we pay taxes for? We'd just be taking advantage of something that was setup for people like us.
President Sanford: What do you mean 'people like us'?
V.P. Son: Poor people. The have nots.
President Sanford: The have nots? Well if the have nots could get something from the haves and the haves gave the have nots half of what they have, then the haves would still be the haves but the have nots would be the have somethings.
On Possible Policy Resistence:
Sanford Arms Counsel: We may have to go all the way to the highest court in the land.
President Sanford: All the way.
Sanford Arms Counsel: And you're willing 100%?
President Sanford: All the way. See, this is America, where a right makes might, where justice is blind, where law is king, where a man should be able to pursue his democratic right no matter what it costs him in time, effort and/or money.
Sanford Arms Counsel: Okay, I'll need about $10 to file the complaint.
President Sanford: I'll drop the case.
Wait, Sanford & Son sold junk. Maybe thats what boondoggle means. Oh well, where's the remote? Time to watch TV Land!